im having a threesome with these popsicles
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
