I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
