If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
