He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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