The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
