Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
