I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
