oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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