i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
