i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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