Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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