During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
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I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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