you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
