We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
