Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
