i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
