Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize