She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
