You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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