She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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