fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
