we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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