if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
