Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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