??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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