I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
