every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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