oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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