Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
