He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
