It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
