How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
