You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize