Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
