He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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