Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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