Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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