Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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