I just saw a hot homeless man
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
