R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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