I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
