I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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