I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
