She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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