Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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