The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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