I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
