I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
