marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
