Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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