Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
