Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
