i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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