This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
