life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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