Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
