Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
