If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
