Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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