Sry I called you an 8
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
