The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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