In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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