We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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