yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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