please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
