He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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