i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mom said you looked used
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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