If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
