i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
