left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
