We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
