wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
